Interestingly enough...

...I am not dead. I have not been abducted, and I have not been recruited by terrorists or anti-terrorists. And, even if appearances suggest so, I am not James Bond.
I know it’s been quite a long time since I posted anything here (or given any signs of life to a lot of people). Sorry about that, lot of people, but a combination of facts and necessities have prevented me form doing so.
First of all, I’ve been ill. Twice. Nothing too serious, but enough to force me to stay indoors and not do much. Secondly, I’ve had to go through the strenuous process of applying for a new passport (British citizens are unlikely to fully comprehend what that means, and I sincerely wish to them that they never will). And thirdly, my natural laziness got the best of me.
Speaking of which, I still can’t think of anything interesting to write about. I promise that – Wait! Hold the press, the kid’s got a story to tell!
A little follow up on the bike-police incident. The local police force sent me a letter informing me that, having decided to handle this discretely, they will not give me a fine. Instead, I now have a criminal record in Scotland, available to all and any police officers, which will be deleted after six months, provided I don’t get pulled over again for a similar offense. I kid you not, ladies and gentlemen. I can now start writing lyrics for gangsta RnB, get tattoos, call myself “G” ( I always did, come to think of it), etc etc.

Nevertheless, I do maintain a rather positive perspective on life. Somehow, it’s still cool. It’s all good in da hood, me ‘n my crew ain’t got nothin’ to do, or to say, you don’t say, am I too bad for you? Yo. Peace on Earth, bros!

Bravery, Dedication, Honour

(Based on a true story)

It’s the Local Police Ball 2006. Hundreds of guests, important people, ministers, you name it. Even Sean Connery is there!
The band is playing a tune, and the Chief of Police comes on the podium.
“Ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, it gives me great pleasure to announce the Policeman of the Year Royal Awards” (waits for clapping to calm down).
Bronze Award goes to Detective Blah DiBlah, for Cracking the drugs cartel that has destroyed so many thousands of lives so far (clapping and cheering).
Silver Award is given to Inspector Someone McSomebody, for tracking down and arresting 999 serial rapists (again, cheering and clapping).
The Golden Award represents the highest achievement of a police officer, comparable only to a Medal of Honour. This year, we have decided to give it to two police officers that, putting their lives on the line, risking every minute and with a high sense of duty and dignity, stopped George outside a chip shop and gave him a fine for not having lights on his bicycle. This country is forever indebted to you, stand up so we can see you!”
Standing ovation, cheering, rhythmically chanting the officers’ names…

And the band
Begins to play…