Marvin. Just call me Marvin...

Been looking through my older posts. Wait. I'll start this from the beginning.
So, I recently noticed that itelli's blog has massively increased in popularity and hits. I think that's great, as (slightly) in contrast to what most people believe, good things are usually recognised. NOT good people, but good things. Right.
Anyway, I noticed his blog is becoming more and more popular, which is a very good thing. And then I noticed that the counter on mine seems to have paused (indefinitely). And then I looked at my traffic reports, and realised what was happening.
On average, I get about three (3) hits per day. Of those, I know at least two (2) are mine, since I check in hope of a comment. That means that, on average, one (1) person every day checks my blog. In conclusion, thanks itelli!
Now some of you (can you define some of one? For people I mean. Could I claim that 3/17ths of itelli are doing something? Yes I can) may be saying "Oh, he's been through this before, and we ended up finding celebrity names in every post, what now, oh Gawd, can't stand this whole thing, what do I care, John bloody Travolta can go shave his head clean" etc etc. Which is fine, because you are right. Only this tie, things are different.
See, this time I decided to look into my previous posts and seek out a reason (or more) why this blog is only read by 4/19ths of one individual person each day. Which brings me to the beginning of this post (tempted to close the circle by writing "Wait". Oh well). Wait. I found it! The reason!
Here goes (clears throat). My posts reflect the state of mind that I'm in, ok? They reflect the negative side of my state of mind (see previous post, oh I don't know which one, ask itelli). Which is all cool and all, cause that's what I want to do. With me so far? So basically, all my posts so far give out these amazingly negative vibes and notions, with the only glimmer oh positive thinking consisting of the occasional miniature meditation garden. Which really isn't much. I've also mentioned that I've been reading the "Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy" (by Douglas Adams, make it one of the books you'll read in your lifetime; unless you can't read, in which case you're not reading this - your loss, really, go back to school). And that's when it hit me.
My blog, in its current form, feeling and shape, is exactly like being inside the mind of Marvin, the Paranoid Android (friends and fans or Radiohead, now you know where it came form). Exactly.
A bit of background, for the ones not familiar with the book. And no, I will not describe the entire book. Marvin is this robot, on board a spaceship, that has been designed (the robot, not the spaceship) to have his own personality. Only thing, the personality they gave him was that of a depressed person. Marvin can do anything, since he has "a brain the size of a planet", nevertheless he is permanently depressed, moaning, complaining, sees no joy in life around him, no task is ever interesting, and so on. Constantly like that. As are my posts, incidentally.
In the book, when Marvin speaks to the computer of another spaceship, it commits suicide. People avoid him, robots avoid him, fishponds avoid him. It makes sense then that people would tend to avoid reading my blog. People (myself included, and in general) may say that they are ok being depressed, may claim to be happy in their own misery, but that's because they do not fully comprehend misery and depression. When they come along something that literally oozes depression (Marvin, my blog, dead fish floating in the water), they first become interested (I'm depressed, this is depressed, yay), but when the sheer force of depressions these things give out hits them, they realise that they're actually quite ok, and they'll go home, thank you very much, and watch gardening programmes.
To summarise: My blog is depressing. Dead fish floating are depressing. Gardening is healing for the soul.
It might be that the time has come for a new turn in the context of this blog. It may be that I should not just deal with my inner negative side, but with other things as well. News. Movies. Things. Life. Gardening!

I'll have a little think about that. Until then, just call me Marvin...

TB (tired, bored)

So, I returned back to St A after three days of driving across the UK. St A to Cardiff to Bristol to Cardiff to Oxford to St A, a total of 1150 miles. Not bad at all, as driving is one of the things I enjoy doing most, although this experience has verified that I am not cut out to be a truck driver - too much of a good thing. Plus, crossing the Midlands is so utterly boring that would justify having an autopilot. But there you have it, and you can read all about it in my memoirs, in the chapter entitled "George's tale (or there and back again)".

Problem is: I'm tired and bored, bored and tired, bired or tored. Coming back to this bubble of idyllic tranquillity that St A is (for those of you unfamiliar with the place, it can only be compared to a padded cell - with rain) has just reminded me how boring it is. It's so.... boring. So boring I can't even find another word for "boring". So boring that things stop being enjoyable anymore. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy isn't funny anymore. Southpark isn't funny anymore. People jumping off moving vehicles and braking all the bones in their bodies (plus a few more that don't belong to them) isn't funny anymore. Driving isn't that enjoyable around these parts. Taking photographs becomes a burden. Shooting seagulls doesn't seem like a good idea. I'll spare you at this point, but you get the idea.

I was down in Oxford and found this great little shop which sells miniature Japanese meditation gardens, bonsai trees and crystal growing kits (this is interesting, actually. You get this kit, with chemicals and, er, stuff, and you grow your own crystal. If you're a 3-year-old like me mentally, it's kinda cool), along with plasma balls, Galileo thermometers and Chinese tea pots. The idea of having a 20cmx10cm meditation garden (complete with rocks, a small pond and a thingy to make patterns) seemed to me to be by far the most interesting thing I could be doing in St A. Or even staring at a Feng-Shui indoor fountain. Or compiling a 10,000-piece puzzle of a white wall, for that matter.

In other news, itelli has (fortunately only partly and very vaguely) revealed my plan to be the King of Fife (echo...), but I'll talk about this in the next post. Sort of.

 

Oh, the piece and tranquillity of a padded cell, a miniature meditation garden and a Feng-Shui fountain...

Back to the future

It is interesting to see how my feelings about the future and what it holds for me are shared by a lot of people in exactly the same way. All of them (us) have used the exact same phrasing, "living in the future". My first reaction was "hey, that describes precisely how I feel", but then it started to sink inside me. Living in the future.

First of all, I shall briefly describe what it is that I mean by that, for those of you that are curious and/or are lucky enough not to share similar feelings of anxiety. "Living in the future" refers to a state (of mind, primarily) where one feels that they have to bear through all the problems that appear in present time for the sake of future prosperity. Now, you might think this sounds perfectly reasonable, which it does, therefore I feel I need to differentiate between planning/dreaming about the future and actually living in it.

It is perfectly normal to plan ahead, and indeed some people that don't so that (that's right, point that finger towards me) often find themselves watching opportunities go past them, or panic trying to make things work at the very last moment. It is also a normal thing to dream about the future, or hope/dream/wish for certain things to happen. It is also fine to acknowledge that the pursuit of finer things in the future might mean that you have to go through rough and troublesome periods in the present. That is all good.

What's not good is when you choose to disassociate yourself from the present time, not paying any attention to whether or not you are enjoying yourself, not trying to improve things for yourself in the present, not enjoying, experiencing and, in practice, not living your life in present time. Instead, time goes by and you're just left thinking about what the future will bring, the possibility of a good life in the future, where you'll end up when you're 30/40/50/60 and have children/grandchildren/no children. It is sad because, in reality, all we have for sure is the present, and even if it not present perfect, that's what we have to go by. It is our wishes, hopes and ambitions that drive us through life, but we do have to live it in order to fulfil them.

Ironically, when I was asked back when I was 17 (in school, during essay writing) what is my definition of happiness, I answered "to be able to be 80 years old and look back on my life and say: that was a good life". Doomed to live in the future until I'm too old for that and have to live in the past. Yep, that's me!

Cars (not!)

Originally, this was going to be a post about cars. How I really like (some of) them, why I like them, what I think about the future of cars; in short, George’s “Complete view of automobiles”, Special Edition.
But it won’t be, and that’s for two reasons, namely a) nobody gives a damn and b) I don’t feel like it right now. Maybe in the near future, if I feel like it. For now, a few thoughts on, erm, now. The present. And the near future.
Let me start by saying that I do feel very positive about 2007. Not sure why, but I do. Maybe because of how 2006 was, or maybe because I could really do with a good year. Not necessarily extremely good, but a nice, calm, normal year. No evictions, no illnesses, no lawyers, no money problems, no work problems (I’d written “no friends problems” here, but I’ll leave it out). I know this is a bit utopic, as all of these problems are bound to come up, I’d just like them to be a bit more low-key than they have been in the past year.
Because I’ve really had it. There were times in 2006 that I felt really desperate, that nothing seemed to be going well, that I wasn’t doing anything right, or even if I did, I just couldn’t make things work. I hereby give 2006 the title of “The Worst Year So Far”, can we have a big round of applause (not!). On the other hand though, “may you live in interesting times” (cannot remember who was that said that, sorry for not referencing), and 2006 has certainly been interesting. In the same way perhaps that the Black Plague was interesting, but there you have it.
I am exaggerating a bit, of course. I’ve also had good times in 2006, I’ve had fun, and some things have definitely been great about it. But overall, it sucked big time.
On a different note, I’ve realised that most of my recent (well, last few months worth of) posts have been completely pointless, utterly meaningless, and did not make that much sense whatsoever. I’ve managed to right posts upon posts in which I’m not really saying anything, and though that is a certain achievement, it’s not so to the point that I could go into politics, and therefore useless. I’ll try to make up for that.

Quote of the day:
"I am not a dawdler, I just have many interests"
By me, of course!

New Year is here...

...at last! Jappy New Year veryone, happy 2007!
May everyone take one more step towards a better tomorrow, and one step away from all the bad things in their lives. I think the entire world could use a good year.
Most importantly, let us all wish that 2006 will burn in Hell as a very small way of making up for everything it brought. And, just because I know that some of you have had a good year, you can at least wish that for my 2006. Please.

Please be nice 2007. Please please please.