Been looking through my older posts. Wait. I'll start this from the beginning.
So, I recently noticed that itelli's blog has massively increased in popularity and hits. I think that's great, as (slightly) in contrast to what most people believe, good things are usually recognised. NOT good people, but good things. Right.
Anyway, I noticed his blog is becoming more and more popular, which is a very good thing. And then I noticed that the counter on mine seems to have paused (indefinitely). And then I looked at my traffic reports, and realised what was happening.
On average, I get about three (3) hits per day. Of those, I know at least two (2) are mine, since I check in hope of a comment. That means that, on average, one (1) person every day checks my blog. In conclusion, thanks itelli!
Now some of you (can you define some of one? For people I mean. Could I claim that 3/17ths of itelli are doing something? Yes I can) may be saying "Oh, he's been through this before, and we ended up finding celebrity names in every post, what now, oh Gawd, can't stand this whole thing, what do I care, John bloody Travolta can go shave his head clean" etc etc. Which is fine, because you are right. Only this tie, things are different.
See, this time I decided to look into my previous posts and seek out a reason (or more) why this blog is only read by 4/19ths of one individual person each day. Which brings me to the beginning of this post (tempted to close the circle by writing "Wait". Oh well). Wait. I found it! The reason!
Here goes (clears throat). My posts reflect the state of mind that I'm in, ok? They reflect the negative side of my state of mind (see previous post, oh I don't know which one, ask itelli). Which is all cool and all, cause that's what I want to do. With me so far? So basically, all my posts so far give out these amazingly negative vibes and notions, with the only glimmer oh positive thinking consisting of the occasional miniature meditation garden. Which really isn't much. I've also mentioned that I've been reading the "Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy" (by Douglas Adams, make it one of the books you'll read in your lifetime; unless you can't read, in which case you're not reading this - your loss, really, go back to school). And that's when it hit me.
My blog, in its current form, feeling and shape, is exactly like being inside the mind of Marvin, the Paranoid Android (friends and fans or Radiohead, now you know where it came form). Exactly.
A bit of background, for the ones not familiar with the book. And no, I will not describe the entire book. Marvin is this robot, on board a spaceship, that has been designed (the robot, not the spaceship) to have his own personality. Only thing, the personality they gave him was that of a depressed person. Marvin can do anything, since he has "a brain the size of a planet", nevertheless he is permanently depressed, moaning, complaining, sees no joy in life around him, no task is ever interesting, and so on. Constantly like that. As are my posts, incidentally.
In the book, when Marvin speaks to the computer of another spaceship, it commits suicide. People avoid him, robots avoid him, fishponds avoid him. It makes sense then that people would tend to avoid reading my blog. People (myself included, and in general) may say that they are ok being depressed, may claim to be happy in their own misery, but that's because they do not fully comprehend misery and depression. When they come along something that literally oozes depression (Marvin, my blog, dead fish floating in the water), they first become interested (I'm depressed, this is depressed, yay), but when the sheer force of depressions these things give out hits them, they realise that they're actually quite ok, and they'll go home, thank you very much, and watch gardening programmes.
To summarise: My blog is depressing. Dead fish floating are depressing. Gardening is healing for the soul.
It might be that the time has come for a new turn in the context of this blog. It may be that I should not just deal with my inner negative side, but with other things as well. News. Movies. Things. Life. Gardening!
I'll have a little think about that. Until then, just call me Marvin...
Friday, January 26, 2007
Marvin. Just call me Marvin...
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3 dropped in:
We both know there's u and MVC reading my blog and everyone else just comes to have a quick look, make sure that nothing changed and everything seems to be as ugly as fuck, and then leave happier that their blog is so much nicer. But thank u for the compliment. Oh and by the way, we all know i am a bastard, so don't just refer to me as "not good people". It's diminutive :)
yes!yes!more comments are coming!The truth is that when you talk about only yourself and you trying to find your inner problems first of all what do you expect people to comment? secondly we all have some dark side that we are trying to hide from others and mostly from ourselves and when we meet unhappy people our well hidden dark size comes to the surface again, sthing we do not want to and thus happy people usually are the most popular.not because we forget our problems but because we realise that we have taken ourselves too seriously. and finally -and this is the most important- by exclusively thinking yourself and your problems you constantly sink into them and unless you start worrying about other things than you and yourself and the inner you and your inner yourself then the depression will become a monster. Nice things are happening around you and you do not even notice them because you think you yourself and blah blah blah. (By the way this is the reason i never comment, i just can't stop.:-))
Ok. I'll start commenting on other (i.e. external) problems. So, what about this thing with terrorism, what's all that about? How many children die each day in Africa? Will any of us ever fullfil their dreams?
Depressed yet? No? Well then...
But seriously, I think my whole "I'm so depressed, my life's a drama, oh the pain" phase should come to a sudden (and pleasant, why not, endings can be pelasant as well) end. Now, if only I could think of anything to write... :)
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